The other day whilst at my mum’s house in Brighton, I discovered a little Carficionado relic. Back in 2004, when I’d just finished school and was taking my gap year, I went to India with a friend to work at his dad’s company, which was in Pune. Finding ourselves sidelined and feeling fairly useless, our talk turned to cars and our dream garage. My friend and I each had a 20 car garage (a mite opulent, I think) and we chose what we wanted. I mostly remember being baffled by my friend’s desire for a Bristol which, I hastily pointed out to him, looks like a Vauxhall Carlton welded onto the front of a Ford Capri. However, here’s my list along with what I would actually have now, wizened as I am.
1) Lamborghini Murciélago
Good start really, but it’s a bit large. Think Gallardo is probably a better bet.
What I’d have now: Lamborghini Gallardo
2) Ferrari 612 Scaglietti
I’ve always liked Ferrari’s GT cars. I even liked the 456. So this can stay.
What I’d have now: Ferrari 612 Scaglietti
3) Mercedes 300SL Gullwing
If ever there is a car that, in a moment of madness, I leave my girlfriend for and go and marry in Vegas, this is she. Beautiful!
What I’d have now: Mercedes 300SL Gullwing
4) Ferrari 250LM
I’ve always loved this car, ever since I saw a video of it when I was a lad. I love the way the roofline just suddenly drops off (like an 80s Toyota MR2 but….better) and the way it looks so purposeful. It is purposeful of course, what with it being a proper racing car, and all reports say that it was a bit of a pig to drive, but fantasy is fantasy so I’m sticking with it.
What I’d have now: Ferrari 250LM
5) Bugatti EB110
I don’t really know how the old EB110 worked its way in, but here it is. I suppose it would be a nice bit of curios in my collection. I personally think that the Veyron’s a bit vulgar, so the EB can live, I suppose.
What I’d have now: Bugatti EB110
6) Bugatti Type 57SC Atlantic
This is such an achingly pretty car. I don’t really go in for that pre-war car bit, but there’s no arguing with this.
What I’d have now: Bugatti Type 57SC Atlantic
7) Aston Martin DB9
Hmmm, I always thought that the DB9 was very beautiful. But then the Vantage came along and it just looked a little more gainly. I mean, don’t get me wrong, if a DB9 got into bed with me, I wouldn’t kick it out. I’d think it was a bit strange, but I wouldn’t kick it out. And I know one’s a GT car and one’s a sports car, but I’ve always got my 612 so….
What I’d have now: Aston Martin V8 Vantage
8) Alfa Romeo SZ
Another oddity and one which I shall stick by. It was on a car calendar I had when I was a kid and I loved its angular lines, its cubey body and serious face. And the V6 sounds like a peach.
What I’d have now: Alfa Romeo SZ
9) Subaru Impreza WRX
Oh what a little ruffian I once was. Subaru Impreza indeed. Well, I suppose it would be fun going cross country in it, but it’s not very classy. Although this was back in the era before the Impreza looked like a Kia. Change it!
What I’d have now: Volkswagen Golf GTi
10) Land Rover Defender Tomb Raider Special Edition
Looks menacing and brilliant, but a grown man can’t go around in a “Tomb Raider Special Edition” car. I’ll just buy a black one and stick the bits on myself. Or bugger it, I’ll just get a Discovery.
What I’d have now: Land Rover Discovery 3.0 TDV6
11) Peugeot 106 GTi
Oh I am a card sometimes. This is back when I owned my 106 Quiksilver, aforementioned. But things have moved on, this car’s a bit of a relic, and so I’m afraid it has to go.
What I’d have now: Renault Clio Renaultsport
12) Ferrari Enzo
Very exclusive and very worthy, but a bit too thoroughbred. Think I’ll have that new 458 instead please, thank you.
What I’d have now: Ferrari 458
13) Porsche 911 Carrera 4S
Well, this was very generous of me considering that this was the era in which Porsches had those droopy fried egg headlights (I’m sure Porsche are very obliged to me). But the 4S did the best job of covering it up, which I suppose is why it made the grade. But there’s a new 911 now, so it’s out of here.
What I’d have now: Porsche 911 Sports Classic (so pretty!)
14) Porsche Carrera GT
This must be an amazing car to drive. The feature I like most on it, perversely, is its beechwood gear stick. Love it, although that new Porsche 918 prototype looks pretty good too. Remains to be seen….
What I’d have now: Porsche Carrera GT
15) Jaguar E-Type
Funny story. One day I was walking along, talking on the phone. All of a sudden, I saw a beautiful black E-Type coupe parked up with the owner appearing to show someone round. As I walked on, I suddenly saw that the car had obviously just been in a massive crash and the whole of the passenger-side door was crushed. I was so shocked and despairing that I walked straight into a lamppost, after which I kindly oik was decent enough to shout “Look out for that lamppost mister”. Still, in spite of its beauty, I think it’s a little gauche, so I’ll borrow one of my friend’s favourite cars as a 1960s sportscar replacement, and a very worthy one…..
What I’d have now: Ferrari 250 GT Lusso
16) BMW M3 CSL
I’ve always thought that the M3 (and BMWs in general) were the preserve of – how should I put this – small dicked tossers. Notable exceptions are: old BMW CSL, 2002 Turbo, 1980s 6 Series and a few others. The 2004 era M3 CSL was and is probably owned by tossers, but was apparently very good. So would I get the new M3 as a replacement? Yeah, why not? I might even get it in a noxious colour and make sure I only drive in the fast lane on motorways, right up behind someone’s bumper, flashing my lights at them, and then changing across 4 lanes of traffic in one go when my exit comes up. Bitter? Moi?
What I’d have now: BMW M3 in metallic lime green, or equivalent
17) Audi RS4 Avant
Well, talk about desert island cars. This is it. Space in the back, four wheel drive, 4.2 V8. What more could you want? The RS6 you say? Well perhaps, but that’s a bit uglier, and my next car’s got that covered, so I’ll be sticking with my RS4, although back in 2004, I meant the old RS4, and now I mean the new one. Well, the A4’s just been replaced, but the last RS4.
What I’d have now: Audi RS4 old new one
18) Custom made BMW 5 series Touring with M5 engine [sic]
Well blow me down. I predicted the future. Back in 2004, this dream-wagen didn’t exist, so with my imaginary millions of pounds I would have paid someone to make it for me. But now I just have to pay someone to buy their second hand M5 Touring off them. Great!
What I’d have now: BMW M5 Touring
The real thing
19) Honda S2000
Not quite sure how this made it in. For the future trophy wife? Perhaps. Because I need a cabriolet? And something small with great handling? Oh well, sorry then little Honda.
What I’d have now: Lotus Elise
20) 1980s Mercedes 280SL
My family used to have one of these in the 80s and it will soon feature in my “Cars that me or my family used to own and that I now miss” section. Yeah, I miss it, but it’s not quite as beautiful and luxurious as my now ultimate car, a 1960s 280 SL, so I’ll have that instead.
What I’d have now: 1960s Mercedes 280SL (W113) in white, automatic, with red leather seats.